I know, I know, that title seems over-dramatic, but I swear to you, it’s not. I told you about my time at The Mama Retreat. Another of the hosts/founders of the event was Becca Campbell of Little Z’s Sleep Consulting. She gave a workshop on building better sleep and then answered all of our sleep questions.
When I read about this part of the retreat, I honestly didn’t think it would apply to me. My kids are all over 2 and, after almost eight years, I thought I knew a lot about how to get them sleep. I assumed the sleep issues they’d been having were just a phase they were going through and there was nothing my husband and I could do about it. Man, did I have a lot to learn!
Here are the problems we’d been having:
- My big kids took forever to complete their bedtime routine and needed my husband or I to lay with them until they fell asleep. We started at 7 pm, but often wouldn’t finish until 8:45.
- They also came into our room any time between 11 pm and 4 am EVERY NIGHT and climbed into bed with us while we were too tired to fight back!
- Baby N had recently started climbing out of her crib at nap and bedtime. She seemed very fearful of her crib so we started putting her to bed in our bed and then transferring her to the crib when we came up to sleep.
- She needed pacifiers to get to sleep and we would often lose them.
- She would also climb out of her crib again in the middle of the night and get into bed with us.
- I’d spend most of the night with three kids in our bed, all fighting to be as close to me as possible. I am not a snuggler, so to say this wasn’t working would be an understatement.
When I talked to Becca, she told me that with a few tweaks to our bedtime routine, we could have all three kids falling asleep on their own and staying in their own beds all night. I’ll admit, I was very skeptical. However, after one week of consistent practice of Becca’s tips, we are seeing some significant changes!
Since my kids are older, I started by explaining the changes to them and making sure they understood why they were important. I was surprised by how quickly they got on board. Becca used a great analogy to describe the importance of independent sleeping. When you snuggle your kids to sleep, give them a pacifier or any other sleep prop, you are teaching them that you are in the driver’s seat of their sleep bus. When they wake up in the middle of the night and you’re not there, of course they will need you to fall back asleep because you are the driver.
Here are the changes we made to teach our kids how to be in the sleep driver’s seat:
No More Screen Time After 5 PM– We started by removing screen time before bed. In the past, my kids would all watch an hour of television while eating dinner. This would give me time to clean the kitchen, cook something different for my husband and I, write, etc. Now, instead of watching TV, the kids eat quickly and then we go outside together to play. While harmful blue light from screens has been shown to negatively impact sleep, sunlight has proven to do the opposite.
We Cut Out the Paci Cold Turkey– After Becca assured me that it would be harder for us than for Baby N, we took her advice and cut out the pacifier. I rounded up all of the pacis and put them in a gift bag. I told N that we would put them in the mailbox for the new babies at the hospital. She was sad, but she has a serious soft spot for little babies so she kept it together. Since she was a big girl now, I took her to Target to pick out a Cabbage Patch Kid to snuggle with instead. It’s been a week, and there have been zero issues!
We Have Play Time Before Reading– This was the biggest surprise to me. Becca recommended setting a timer for 10-15 minutes and playing with the kids in their rooms before reading to them. She emphasized letting the kids decide what to do during this time. She said it would give them the time with me that they’d been craving without me needing to lay with them for an hour.
We Now Have As Little Light As Possible– My big kids are scared of the dark, but I think they were sleeping with too much light. We let them keep the light on in the hall bathroom instead of the hallway and that dimmed the light considerably.
We Got Rid of the Crib– I was determined to keep N in the crib as long as possible, but Becca told me that it wasn’t really worth it if she could climb out of it like it was a bed. I gave up and got her this toddler bed off of Craigslist.
Our New Bedtime Routine: Without bath, this should ideally be no longer than 30 minutes.
6:30 Bathtime– every other night- Becca recommends using epsom salts like these in the bath. They contain magnesium which is best absorbed through the skin and helps calm the central nervous system and may improve sleep.
7:00 Bedtime Responsibilities– Wash face on non-bath nights to encourage sleep associations, Brush teeth, Put on pajamas, Pick out clothes for school tomorrow
7:05 Playtime together in their rooms-Let them get their energy out and do what THEY want to do.
7:20 Read a book or two
7:30 Goodnight– Put on meditation, (my kids love Insight Timer), hugs, kisses and we leave the room
Other Important Things to Remember:
- Before Making Changes, Write Down Your Expectations for Kid Sleep– It’s important that you’re clear on what your expectations are and that you and your spouse are on the same page.
- Kids Don’t Sleep Well When Overtired– Avoid skipping naps and start bedtime before kids get a second wind.
- Keep Rooms As Quiet and Dark as Possible– White noise and nightlights are okay, just not too loud or too bright. I just bought Baby N this one from Amazon.
- Have Only Two Stuffed Animals or Lovies in the Bed– Once kids are old enough, after age 1, they often love having friends in their beds with them. If you limit it to two, you’ll save yourself some headaches and your kids some anxiety from having to keep track of more.
- Make Picture Chart to Clearly Explain Bedtime Expectations- Baby N did well with my verbal explanation, but some kids need a visual to connect. Draw pictures of what they need to do and then have them model this. They can even role play and be the mom or dad helping their stuffed animals get ready for bed.
- Come Up With a Phrase for Bedtime– This phrase will trigger your kids’ brains to get ready for sleep. It can be as simple as: It’s Bedtime! Just be sure to BE CONSISTENT.
We started following these tips consistently last Monday. Almost immediately, our big kids started going to bed on their own and only came into our room one night, during a thunderstorm. Baby N is going to sleep in her big girl bed with no pacifier and staying put all night. It seriously feels like a miracle! My husband and I have time together before we pass out on the couch, and I’m not getting kicked in the face every night anymore! Try these tips tonight and please let me know how it goes in the comments below. I really believe everyone parent could benefit from these tips.
Good Luck and Get Some Rest!
♥ Erin
