mental health

So, I’ve been at this mom thing for over eight years now, but I still have so much to learn. One of the most important things I have learned, the fact that took me the longest to concede, is that I can’t do it alone. Motherhood is tough! Sometimes I have so many balls in the air, I go to bed with my head spinning, and not just from those two glasses of wine I drank before bedtime. We now have an enormous and varied amount of responsibilities, and we all need help and support sometimes to get it all done, and to not go insane while doing it all.  Remember, it’s not a sign of failure to ask for help. This is something I’ve struggled with for years! Getting help for ourselves and our families is the smartest and strongest thing we can do as mothers!

Here are the local resources that I’ve personally used to simplify, or improve, my mom life. Click on the links below for more details and directions.

Favorite Places to Go With Babies/Toddlers:

• Jumpology – This trampoline arena has a specific time, 9-10 am, just for kids 6 and under.
• Pump It Up– The inflatable play area has Toddler Playtime on select Tuesdays from 10am – 11:30am for only $6.
• Music Together– Parent and Child music classes that come with a CD and song book. Check the link for locations across the Richmond area.
• Melody Magic Music Studio-This music studio on Lauderdale Ave. runs Kindermusik classes, beginner piano lessons and themed playdates.
• Willow Lawn Mommy and Me– Join Willow Lawn on the second Wednesday of EVERY month from 10am to 11:30am for a free morning out with live entertainment and activities designed to enhance parents´ interaction with their children held in The Square at Willow Lawn.
• Cartwheels and Coffee– Children ages six and under can enjoy playing in their enclosed playland while their grown-ups relax in the cafe with a great cup of locally roasted Blanchards coffee. They also have weekly events such as yoga, art and music classes. They even have a separate small play area for babies.
• GABC Music and Movement -This fun music class takes place every Wednesday, 10-10:45, with a separate playspace open 9:30-11 for play before and after class. Classes are inside Grove Avenue Baptist Church and are $5/child and $3/additional siblings.
• Henrico County Public Library Storytime– Storytimes run most mornings, M-Th, and they sometimes have family story times on Saturdays.  Click on the link to get the current story time schedule.
• Romp n’ Roll– My two year old is obsessed with these toddler gymnastics classes. They also offer art and music classes.

Shopping Your Life Easier:

Amazon Prime Now- I’m sure by now most of you know about this two-hour Amazon delivery service open to all prime members, but it’s so life-changing that I’m adding it here, just in case. Did you know they even deliver wine and beer now?! Just when I thought I couldn’t possibly love Amazon any more than I already do!

Target–  If Amazon is my boyfriend, then Target is definitely my BFF. Check out all the ways to save:

1. If you haven’t already, stop what you’re doing and sign-up for a Target debit card. It’s not another credit card. You can do this! You’ll save 5% on every thing you buy there, including purchases made at their Starbucks cafes!
2. Download the Target App– They are phasing out their Cartwheel app and making all of those discounts available inside the Target App. Try to look through the available discounts and add them before you leave your house. I usually forget to do this and end up manually scanning each of my cart items to see if any of them are discounted while my kids scream that they’re hungry and want to go home.
3. Check out this post here for more ways to save at Target.

Kroger Clicklist- I’ve been using this online shopping program for the past 6 months. It is amazing to get my shopping done in front of the TV and then pick it up without having to get any kids out of the car! I also save money because I’m not making impulse purchases or giving in to the whims of my tiny dictators while shopping. Don’t forget to add digital coupons onto your card before you checkout.

Walmart Savings Catcher– You can use this app to scan your Walmart receipts. If you’ve purchased something that they find cheaper somewhere else, they will refund you the difference. Find more specific details here.

Keeping Kids Healthy Through Every Stage:

• KidMed– This urgent care, designed especially for kids, has been a godsend for us many times. (Like the time my then 20 month old son climbed over the baby gate and fell down 12 stairs at 5 pm on a Friday!!) With 4 locations, they are very convenient. Hours are M-F, 2-10 pm and Weekends, 10 am-9 pm.
• Dental resource guide-This was created by River Run Dental. My entire family sees these dentists, and the hygienists are great with my kids. There are many other pediatric dentists offices in Richmond, (Check out those voted Best in Richmond here.), but this works best for us.
• Family therapy–Partners in Parenting– This is an outstanding office that works with not only children, but also their parents to teach them strategies to help their kids cope with difficult stages and situations.
• Speech/OT/PT Services

1. Speech/Language Providers– Here’s a list of local speech providers. My family has personal experience working with Maria Zanetti, and she does amazing things for kids with speech and language processing disorders.
2. Infant and Toddler Connection of Virginia– This is the place to contact if you’re having concerns with your toddler’s speech development. It is a several step process, and they will first have you come in for a screening. We went through the process in the Spring, so feel free to message me with any questions.
3. Prana OT- We have personal experience working with both of the occupational therapists in this office and recommend them highly for children with motor development and sensory processing issues.

• Pediatric and Adolescent Health Partners– This site has a great collection of health links and resources.

Great Websites For Local Resources:

Richmondmom.com– If you’re not visiting this site regularly, you need to start. It has resources and local info for basically every area of parenthood. Some of my personal favorites are:

• Kid-friendly Restaurant Resource
• Drop-in Child Care Resources
• Kids Eat Free Richmond
• Summer Camp Guide
• Support Groups for Parents Resource

These three sites also provide great local resources for parents, and update frequently to share kid-friendly events around town:

Completelykidsrichmond.com

MacaroniKid.com

Hula Frog.com

My Current Favorite Mom/Food Blogs:

Modern Parents, Messy Kids Blog– This site has a lot of great ideas to keep you and your family organized and parenting tips to keep you sane.

30 Handmade Days Blog– So many good finds here! Printables to keep you organized, Mom-tested experiments to try, craft projects you can actually make without pulling your hair out. Seriously awesome stuff!

Momastery.com– Glennon Doyle Melton is the author here,  and I love her. I feel like she says all of the things I want to say, but can’t put into words. Her honest advice on motherhood and self-love is very powerful.

Damndelicious.net– I initially started visiting this blog to make her awesome quinoa chili, but kept coming back for all of the easy, tasty recipes.

Thugkitchen.com– This site has a tri-fecta of some of my favorite things- 1) Amazing, easy vegan recipes 2) A large side of snark and 3) Enough cursing to make a sailor blush. #winning

Minimalistbaker.com– You can find quick, healthy meals here with 10 ingredients or less. My favorites I’ve personally tried are her banana bread granola and the crispy peanut tofu and cauliflower rice stir-fry.

Halfbakedharvest.com– Come check out Tieghan’s amazing and beautiful food that is surprisingly easy to make.

Now that I’ve completely overloaded you with information, I want to leave you with this: Forget all that bullshit about the mom who can do it all and who has it all together. She is a myth! Behind that well-polished facade and gleamingly perfect Instagram profile, she is probably a hot mess, or, at the very least, struggling just like the rest of us. Stop comparing yourself to people you don’t actually know.

We all have days we feel like we have this mom thing down and others when we feel like total failures who are strongly considering hiding under the bed with a jar of Nutella and never coming out! Even on your worst days, you are a good mom. Repeat after me: I Am A Good Mom! You’re showing up for your kids and just loving them, and that is enough. Use these resources. Talk to fellow moms who are out there in the trenches and, most importantly, listen, without judgement, without comparing, just neverending compassion and support.

♥ Erin

It’s almost summer! This is mostly thrilling, especially after the winter and 2nd winter we’ve had, but is anyone else kicking themselves for not sticking to their New Year’s resolutions to eat healthier and workout more? I am no where near where I hoped I’d be with swimsuit season looming, but really, who gives a fuck!? Can we all promise to quit the body shaming this summer and instead focus on our mental health with self-love and self-care?

My June-olutions:

I will praise my body for being healthy and strong enough to give birth, feed and care for my baby. It’s easy to get caught up in what our bodies are not. However, when we spend all our time focusing on losing the baby weight, or just finding our abs again (speaking from personal experience here), we lose sight of everything our bodies have done and continue to do every day. Our bodies have so much more to offer than just perky boobs and a flat stomach.

I will look in the mirror and give myself at least one compliment every day. Doing the opposite is so much easier, I grant you, but why are we doing that crap to ourselves. I know you’re all hot mamas and there has to be at least one thing you like about your bodies. If you’re still having trouble, ask a girl friend because, I assure you, they will have a list of your finest attributes ready to go before you finish asking the question.

I will be more active with my family. Working out seven days a week is a great goal, but it’s not always doable. If instead you resolve to play, to run, to wrestle with your kids, you’ll be working out without even knowing it and having a blast in the process. If you have older kids, try signing up for some fun runs or walks together, start family karate lessons or go ice skating.

I will laugh more. We should all strive for more laughter this year! Let’s laugh more with our kids. Let’s laugh more at ourselves. Let’s see life for the crazy, sometimes painful, sometimes joy-filled, roller coaster ride that it is and just laugh!

I will remove the words, “I’m fine”, from my vocabulary. Sometimes you are just NOT fine! Be honest with your family and, especially, be honest with yourself. Talk to your spouse when you are angry or hurt. When a trusted friend or family member asks how you are and you’re really struggling, by all means, share with them. You’re not a burden to them. They love you and will gladly take time to be there for you. It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.

I will make the invisible visible. The hardest part of motherhood has to be the mental workload. Someone has to remember to schedule the well check-ups, research preschools and remember to pick up a gift for some random two year old’s birthday party. It’s easy to ask your spouse to do the dishes or change the laundry, but all of this other invisible work typically goes unnoticed. The pressure to be on top of everything all of the time is exhausting! Get your spouse in on the invisible work by asking them to pick out that gift or to research and find a good and reliable babysitter. The world doesn’t have to rest on your shoulders!

 I will ask for help when I need it. This goes along with the last two, and it is something I struggled with even before having kids. You DO NOT get extra good mom points for doing everything completely on your own. When a friend notices the overwhelmed look on your face and asks if they can keep your kids for a few hours, let them. When the bagger at the grocery store sees you have your hands full and asks if they can walk you out to your car, let them. When you’re sick and can barely get out of bed, ask your husband to come home from work early or call a babysitter. No one can do this job completely alone, so cut the shit and accept the help!

I will be as kind to myself as I expect other people to be to my kids. OMG, I go full Mama Bear when I think someone is being cruel or unfair to my kids! Why, then, do I allow myself to say such horrible things about another person I claim to love, me! If I heard someone calling my kids fat, stupid or useless, there is honestly no telling what I’d do, but I’m guessing it would involve fire.

I will believe that I am enough. Being perfect is not the goal, unless you’re going for being perfectly average, but, honestly, some days I can’t even claim that. We need to remember that, while we struggle to plan the world’s most Pinterest perfect first birthday party or blame our kids’ minor illnesses on our lack of perfect housekeeping skills, our kids eyes are lighting up every time we enter a room. We are not perfect, and they could not love us more!

I will put my oxygen mask on first. This one is all about self-care. I know we all want to be great mothers, wives, daughters, etc., but that simply can’t be accomplished if we are too sleep-deprived, overwhelmed or depressed to function. If you’re not already doing this, please take time out for yourself. Lock yourself in the bathroom and meditate for five minutes. Go to a Moms Night Out and commiserate with other moms who’ve been there. Tell your spouse (Don’t ask!) that you’re going out to Target, and spend an hour mindlessly wandering the aisles. It will help. If that’s not enough, please find a therapist. Ask a mom you trust. You may think you’re the only one struggling and needing therapy, but you are not alone. It’s not a failure to admit that you need more help. In fact, it’s the bravest thing you can do for yourself and for your family.

I hope this summer brings you every happiness and the knowledge that you are strong, worthy and beautiful women that your sons and daughters can look up to.

♥ Erin

Hey Mamas, I’m going to get real with you today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with anxiety. I always blamed it on my fairly traumatic childhood, but then I had children of my own, and man, it was an eye-opener.

My husband and I created a stable home our kids, full of love, trust and laughter. Somehow though, I still have two very anxious children (The jury is still out on the little one.), who struggle with transitions, change and the unknown.

At first this reality was hard for me to accept. I gave my kids what I never had, how can they still be anxious?? I blamed myself, and felt a lot of guilt about unknowingly passing on my anxiety. Then I got to thinking, you can’t blame yourself for biology and body chemistry. Anxiety is just a part of my makeup that my kids have shared with me since birth, like my blue eyes, my love of pickles and my great taste in music.

I’m just a tiny bit of a control freak by nature (hahaha!), but realizing that I couldn’t stop my kids from being anxious was kind of liberating. It allowed me to stop blaming myself and instead teach them the coping strategies I’d picked up throughout my anxious life. It made me realize that I can’t “fix” them, but I can be exactly the role model they need. I can teach them that living with anxiety doesn’t have to limit their lives.

The coping strategies below can be used for you to help yourselves and your children live with anxiety and live well. I also included a few important things to remember when thinking about anxiety.

Deep Breathing- At our house we call this kind of breathing, balloon belly breathing. Make sure it’s your belly that is rising, not your chest. There are so many types of breathing exercises out there, so feel free to keep experimenting until you find something that works for you. I love these deep breathing exercise cards for kids from Childhood 101.

Tapping- This technique involves tapping with your fingertips on 9 specific meridian points on the body while focusing on the source of your anxiety. It is also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and it’s an ancient Chinese holistic practice that is being used by cognitive behavioral therapists around the world. Tapping calms the nervous system and helps restore balance to the brain. Visit this site for Tapping 101 and a video that explains the 9 meridian points.

Grounding with 5-4-3-2-1- Take a deep breath and then use your five senses to find 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you smell and one thing you can taste in your mouth. This strategy gets you back to the present moment and is especially good with treating past trauma. Find out more here.

Guided Meditation– There are many specific meditations tailored to coping with anxiety on apps like Headspace and Insight Timer.

Give Yourself a Squeeze or Use a Weighted Blanket– A good hug, even if you’re giving it to yourself, can lower the stress hormone, cortisol, and give you a burst of oxytocin and dopamine to promote a sense of well-being. A weighted blanket can have a similar effect. I’ve been considering getting one of these senso blankets or something similar on Amazon, to keep in our bed for those nights that our kids have nightmares.

Muscle Tense and Release or Progressive Muscle Relaxation– Start with your toes and then move on to each small muscle group in your body. Tense the muscles for three seconds and then release. Focus on how your muscles feel on the release. This has been known to help with physical symptoms that are caused by stress and anxiety like headaches and stomachaches. There are also guided meditations to help you through this process. To learn more visit this site.

Take a Hot Bath or a Shower– All of the fancy well-researched strategies above just weren’t practiced when I was a kid, so this simple technique was pretty much the only one in my toolbox. I thought of the bathtub as a magical place where all of my worries could just melt away. Even as adult you can tell when I’m really stressed because I may take more than one bath in a day. After all this time, the strategy still holds up.

Try a Distracting Activity- Something repetitive that you can do with your hands is usually a good idea. Find something that you enjoy doing that is fairly repetitive; knitting, drawing, playing with play dough, jewelry making, puzzling, playing board or computer games. You can also try an activity that you can easily escape into like a good book or movie.

Write a Worry Script- When worries keep you from sleeping or wake you up in the middle of the night, get that crap out of your head! Use a journal to write down what you are worried about. Explore the negative emotions that the worries bring up. You can face your fears in a safe space and really imagine what the worst case scenario would look like.

Review Past Anxieties- Think back to the last time you felt really anxious. What was the worst thing that happened? What did you do that helped?

Don’t Be Afraid of Medication– I’ll be honest, I always was. I didn’t get the help I needed because I didn’t want to be the person who needed medication to function. I know there may be more of a stigma related to mental illness, but, if you or your child had asthma, you probably wouldn’t skip the inhaler because you didn’t want to medicate them.

Medication shouldn’t be the only solution, but when used in connection with the cognitive behavior therapy it can work wonders to help kids reduce anxiety enough to learn the positive coping strategies they need to become healthy adults. Our pediatrician explained it to me like this: Kids are going to develop coping strategies to deal with their anxiety and these will be either positive or negative strategies. If they can’t manage their anxiety enough to focus on the positive strategies, they will only have once choice remaining. That really made me think and reshaped my opinion on medicating my own children.

Anxiety isn’t all bad– Despite what we’ve been taught, anxiety can be a positive thing. Your worries can help you stay safe, plan ahead and make better, more informed choices. For more,  read about the 6 Hidden Benefits of Anxiety.

Find more great strategies and ideas on how to manage anxiety on the sites below:

Coping Strategies for Supporting Students

50 Strategies to Beat Anxiety

Calming Anxiety- Coping Skills for Kids

If you’ve been battling with anxiety, you’re not alone. The progress might feel slow, and your kids might do things that trigger your worst fears on the regular, but just keep going. You are a great parent because you are showing up every day and doing the best you can.

♥ Erin