Mom confessions

Good Morning Ladies,

Are you like me? Do you constantly beat yourself up for not meeting your own impossible expectations? We all really need to cut that out right now!  When you become a mother, you don’t turn in your human card and you don’t suddenly stop having needs of your own. It’s about damn time we start giving ourselves the break we deserve!  This post is really like a therapy session for me, but I hope it can help all of you beautiful mamas to give the mom guilt a rest!

Today I Am Giving Myself Permission….

• To Take Time For Myself– It took me too long to stop equating going to Body Back or hiring a babysitter to go out to dinner as selfish. I used to only go out for the night after my kids were already asleep. Every parent needs time to themselves and time away from their kids to recharge their batteries. If I don’t take it, I can’t be the mom that my kids deserve.
• To Reach For That Second Cup of Coffee or Alcoholic Beverage- Yes, I may have a slight addiction to caffeine and I may use alcohol to relax after  bedtime, but back off! After all, the days are long, but the years are short. At least that’s what every sweet old lady at Target keeps telling me!

• To Say No– I’ve struggled with this my entire life, but it is ok to say no to friends and family when what they’re asking for just won’t work for you. I know it doesn’t feel good to have someone upset with you, but no one has ever died from disappointment. They’ll get over it and you’ll learn to put your own needs first.
• To Have My Own Tantrum– We deal with loads of obnoxious and frustrating things daily with patience and grace, but sometimes we’re having a bad day, we’re sick, it’s “shark week”, etc. and we just can’t take it anymore! You’re allowed to cry, yell, have a timeout outside, whatever you need.

• To Throw Away My Bathroom Scale– I need to do this for my own sanity, and I think you should too. Enough said.
• To Not Clean My House– This is not a, you shouldn’t clean your house because you should be busy playing with your kids, thing. This is a, put the vacuum away and let the dishes sit in the sink while you sit on the couch with a trashy magazine, thing. God knows you deserve a break!

• To Lock the Bathroom Door While I’m Taking a Bath– My kids can live without me for fifteen minutes. Yes kids, you do have two parents who are capable of opening the fridge.

• To Not Send That Thank You Note–  If you know me, please never send me another thank you note. I know you are thankful for me and I am thankful for you. I’m always forgetting to send them, especially for my kids’ birthdays, and, when I do remember, they are always late. We can’t be perfect, and that’s ok.
• To Let My Kids Watch Too Much TV– I know this is a hot topic, but sometimes I just have so much to get done and I can’t answer another question about which Pokemon I would want to be. It’s ok to let TV be your babysitter once in a while. I watched a ton of it as a kid and I turned out, debatably, fine!

• To Order Takeout- I love to cook and I do try to serve my kids a vegetable with every meal, but I’m no Gwyneth. My kids eat their fair share of McDonalds and Taco Bell, and they haven’t grown any extra body parts from all of that processed food yet!
• To Go To Bed at 9 pm on Friday With No Shame– I still love a good night out, but sometimes it’s ok to admit that you’re not as young as you used to be and turn in early. Most days I’m exhausted all afternoon, but then have trouble sleeping at night so now, when I get the urge to pass out right after my kids are in bed, I take it.

• To Lose My Temper– Yes, I yell at my kids. I get in bad moods, and I have bad days. I am not a perfect parent, and my kids don’t need me to be.
• To Love My Mom Bod– This has been especially tough as I inch closer to forty. My metabolism has slowed to an almost complete stop and, despite my best efforts, my weight has been creeping up. I’m trying to accept my new body, and, instead of being disappointed or critical, to remember everything that it has accomplished and to be grateful for how healthy it is overall.

• To Bust Out in Spontaneous Song and Dance When My Kids Leave for a Night at Their Grandparents’ House– I love my kids, but that doesn’t mean I have to spend every waking moment with them. It’s ok to be excited and happy to have some time away from them, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. It just makes you an honest one.

• To Take a Compliment– No more shrugging off compliments! No more, “Yeah, well, anyone can do that.” No more, “This, no, it’s not that special.” Let’s try, “Yes, you’re right. That does look great on me.” or, “Yes, I am awesome at that!” I mean, you don’t need to say that aloud, a simple thank you is great, but you get the point. Stop downplaying compliments! Now is the time to accept that you are awesome and appreciated!
• To Celebrate and Appreciate Myself– Why am I so good at loving and taking care of my family and friends, but horrible at being caring and kind to myself? We all deserve to be cared for and feel special, especially when we put so much time and effort into giving to others. Though it would be nice, I can’t expect someone else to do it for me. I’m working on loving and caring for myself by trying to treat myself the way I treat other people I care about. It’s a work in progress, but I’m getting there!

Just in case it wasn’t clear, I’m also giving YOU permission to do all of these things, and anything else you need to do to keep sane. Not that you need my permission, of course, but you can feel free to blame me if you get any negative feedback while you’re taking care of yourself for a change. In fact, you can even send me the complainer’s phone number. I’ll sort them out! And don’t forget:

♥ Erin

It’s almost summer! This is mostly thrilling, especially after the winter and 2nd winter we’ve had, but is anyone else kicking themselves for not sticking to their New Year’s resolutions to eat healthier and workout more? I am no where near where I hoped I’d be with swimsuit season looming, but really, who gives a fuck!? Can we all promise to quit the body shaming this summer and instead focus on our mental health with self-love and self-care?

My June-olutions:

I will praise my body for being healthy and strong enough to give birth, feed and care for my baby. It’s easy to get caught up in what our bodies are not. However, when we spend all our time focusing on losing the baby weight, or just finding our abs again (speaking from personal experience here), we lose sight of everything our bodies have done and continue to do every day. Our bodies have so much more to offer than just perky boobs and a flat stomach.

I will look in the mirror and give myself at least one compliment every day. Doing the opposite is so much easier, I grant you, but why are we doing that crap to ourselves. I know you’re all hot mamas and there has to be at least one thing you like about your bodies. If you’re still having trouble, ask a girl friend because, I assure you, they will have a list of your finest attributes ready to go before you finish asking the question.

I will be more active with my family. Working out seven days a week is a great goal, but it’s not always doable. If instead you resolve to play, to run, to wrestle with your kids, you’ll be working out without even knowing it and having a blast in the process. If you have older kids, try signing up for some fun runs or walks together, start family karate lessons or go ice skating.

I will laugh more. We should all strive for more laughter this year! Let’s laugh more with our kids. Let’s laugh more at ourselves. Let’s see life for the crazy, sometimes painful, sometimes joy-filled, roller coaster ride that it is and just laugh!

I will remove the words, “I’m fine”, from my vocabulary. Sometimes you are just NOT fine! Be honest with your family and, especially, be honest with yourself. Talk to your spouse when you are angry or hurt. When a trusted friend or family member asks how you are and you’re really struggling, by all means, share with them. You’re not a burden to them. They love you and will gladly take time to be there for you. It’s ok to not be ok all of the time.

I will make the invisible visible. The hardest part of motherhood has to be the mental workload. Someone has to remember to schedule the well check-ups, research preschools and remember to pick up a gift for some random two year old’s birthday party. It’s easy to ask your spouse to do the dishes or change the laundry, but all of this other invisible work typically goes unnoticed. The pressure to be on top of everything all of the time is exhausting! Get your spouse in on the invisible work by asking them to pick out that gift or to research and find a good and reliable babysitter. The world doesn’t have to rest on your shoulders!

 I will ask for help when I need it. This goes along with the last two, and it is something I struggled with even before having kids. You DO NOT get extra good mom points for doing everything completely on your own. When a friend notices the overwhelmed look on your face and asks if they can keep your kids for a few hours, let them. When the bagger at the grocery store sees you have your hands full and asks if they can walk you out to your car, let them. When you’re sick and can barely get out of bed, ask your husband to come home from work early or call a babysitter. No one can do this job completely alone, so cut the shit and accept the help!

I will be as kind to myself as I expect other people to be to my kids. OMG, I go full Mama Bear when I think someone is being cruel or unfair to my kids! Why, then, do I allow myself to say such horrible things about another person I claim to love, me! If I heard someone calling my kids fat, stupid or useless, there is honestly no telling what I’d do, but I’m guessing it would involve fire.

I will believe that I am enough. Being perfect is not the goal, unless you’re going for being perfectly average, but, honestly, some days I can’t even claim that. We need to remember that, while we struggle to plan the world’s most Pinterest perfect first birthday party or blame our kids’ minor illnesses on our lack of perfect housekeeping skills, our kids eyes are lighting up every time we enter a room. We are not perfect, and they could not love us more!

I will put my oxygen mask on first. This one is all about self-care. I know we all want to be great mothers, wives, daughters, etc., but that simply can’t be accomplished if we are too sleep-deprived, overwhelmed or depressed to function. If you’re not already doing this, please take time out for yourself. Lock yourself in the bathroom and meditate for five minutes. Go to a Moms Night Out and commiserate with other moms who’ve been there. Tell your spouse (Don’t ask!) that you’re going out to Target, and spend an hour mindlessly wandering the aisles. It will help. If that’s not enough, please find a therapist. Ask a mom you trust. You may think you’re the only one struggling and needing therapy, but you are not alone. It’s not a failure to admit that you need more help. In fact, it’s the bravest thing you can do for yourself and for your family.

I hope this summer brings you every happiness and the knowledge that you are strong, worthy and beautiful women that your sons and daughters can look up to.

♥ Erin

Hey Mamas, I’m going to get real with you today. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with anxiety. I always blamed it on my fairly traumatic childhood, but then I had children of my own, and man, it was an eye-opener.

My husband and I created a stable home our kids, full of love, trust and laughter. Somehow though, I still have two very anxious children (The jury is still out on the little one.), who struggle with transitions, change and the unknown.

At first this reality was hard for me to accept. I gave my kids what I never had, how can they still be anxious?? I blamed myself, and felt a lot of guilt about unknowingly passing on my anxiety. Then I got to thinking, you can’t blame yourself for biology and body chemistry. Anxiety is just a part of my makeup that my kids have shared with me since birth, like my blue eyes, my love of pickles and my great taste in music.

I’m just a tiny bit of a control freak by nature (hahaha!), but realizing that I couldn’t stop my kids from being anxious was kind of liberating. It allowed me to stop blaming myself and instead teach them the coping strategies I’d picked up throughout my anxious life. It made me realize that I can’t “fix” them, but I can be exactly the role model they need. I can teach them that living with anxiety doesn’t have to limit their lives.

The coping strategies below can be used for you to help yourselves and your children live with anxiety and live well. I also included a few important things to remember when thinking about anxiety.

Deep Breathing- At our house we call this kind of breathing, balloon belly breathing. Make sure it’s your belly that is rising, not your chest. There are so many types of breathing exercises out there, so feel free to keep experimenting until you find something that works for you. I love these deep breathing exercise cards for kids from Childhood 101.

Tapping- This technique involves tapping with your fingertips on 9 specific meridian points on the body while focusing on the source of your anxiety. It is also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and it’s an ancient Chinese holistic practice that is being used by cognitive behavioral therapists around the world. Tapping calms the nervous system and helps restore balance to the brain. Visit this site for Tapping 101 and a video that explains the 9 meridian points.

Grounding with 5-4-3-2-1- Take a deep breath and then use your five senses to find 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you smell and one thing you can taste in your mouth. This strategy gets you back to the present moment and is especially good with treating past trauma. Find out more here.

Guided Meditation– There are many specific meditations tailored to coping with anxiety on apps like Headspace and Insight Timer.

Give Yourself a Squeeze or Use a Weighted Blanket– A good hug, even if you’re giving it to yourself, can lower the stress hormone, cortisol, and give you a burst of oxytocin and dopamine to promote a sense of well-being. A weighted blanket can have a similar effect. I’ve been considering getting one of these senso blankets or something similar on Amazon, to keep in our bed for those nights that our kids have nightmares.

Muscle Tense and Release or Progressive Muscle Relaxation– Start with your toes and then move on to each small muscle group in your body. Tense the muscles for three seconds and then release. Focus on how your muscles feel on the release. This has been known to help with physical symptoms that are caused by stress and anxiety like headaches and stomachaches. There are also guided meditations to help you through this process. To learn more visit this site.

Take a Hot Bath or a Shower– All of the fancy well-researched strategies above just weren’t practiced when I was a kid, so this simple technique was pretty much the only one in my toolbox. I thought of the bathtub as a magical place where all of my worries could just melt away. Even as adult you can tell when I’m really stressed because I may take more than one bath in a day. After all this time, the strategy still holds up.

Try a Distracting Activity- Something repetitive that you can do with your hands is usually a good idea. Find something that you enjoy doing that is fairly repetitive; knitting, drawing, playing with play dough, jewelry making, puzzling, playing board or computer games. You can also try an activity that you can easily escape into like a good book or movie.

Write a Worry Script- When worries keep you from sleeping or wake you up in the middle of the night, get that crap out of your head! Use a journal to write down what you are worried about. Explore the negative emotions that the worries bring up. You can face your fears in a safe space and really imagine what the worst case scenario would look like.

Review Past Anxieties- Think back to the last time you felt really anxious. What was the worst thing that happened? What did you do that helped?

Don’t Be Afraid of Medication– I’ll be honest, I always was. I didn’t get the help I needed because I didn’t want to be the person who needed medication to function. I know there may be more of a stigma related to mental illness, but, if you or your child had asthma, you probably wouldn’t skip the inhaler because you didn’t want to medicate them.

Medication shouldn’t be the only solution, but when used in connection with the cognitive behavior therapy it can work wonders to help kids reduce anxiety enough to learn the positive coping strategies they need to become healthy adults. Our pediatrician explained it to me like this: Kids are going to develop coping strategies to deal with their anxiety and these will be either positive or negative strategies. If they can’t manage their anxiety enough to focus on the positive strategies, they will only have once choice remaining. That really made me think and reshaped my opinion on medicating my own children.

Anxiety isn’t all bad– Despite what we’ve been taught, anxiety can be a positive thing. Your worries can help you stay safe, plan ahead and make better, more informed choices. For more,  read about the 6 Hidden Benefits of Anxiety.

Find more great strategies and ideas on how to manage anxiety on the sites below:

Coping Strategies for Supporting Students

50 Strategies to Beat Anxiety

Calming Anxiety- Coping Skills for Kids

If you’ve been battling with anxiety, you’re not alone. The progress might feel slow, and your kids might do things that trigger your worst fears on the regular, but just keep going. You are a great parent because you are showing up every day and doing the best you can.

♥ Erin

Ladies, being a mom can be a thankless and exhausting job.  I don’t know about you, but I sure as shit don’t have the patience or the unlimited energy to live up to the American fantasy of a “good mom”. A good mom makes healthy and nutritious meals for her family and serves them with a smile. A good mom keeps the house clean, does crafts, bakes cookies and still finds the time to drive her husband wild in the bedroom. Good lord, no one can honestly do all of that, day in and day out, at least not without some serious help. On bad days in my house, I keep the kids alive and don’t run down the street screaming, and I consider that a major win.

We all have days when we feel like we’ve got this parenting thing nailed, but there are always the flip-side days, the days when we JUST. CAN’T. EVEN. On those days, be kind to yourself. Ignore that voice in your head, you know the one, the one that says you’re a bad mom and that you’re doing it all wrong. Tell that hussy to shut up! Instead, try one of the strategies below. Pretty soon, the storm will pass and you’ll have discovered new motivation to be, not the best mom, but the best version of yourself that you can be.

(FYI- This is me trying to be the perfect mom all while keeping my cool, being a loving wife, writing stuff people actually want to read, working out, texting people back, drinking enough water, keeping a clean house all while staying sane.)

When You Lose Your Cool

Give yourself a timeout. When you’re feeling like an angry toddler, go ahead and treat yourself like one. Remove yourself from the situation that is making you frustrated for a minute or two. Your kids will be fine without you for a short time, and you’ll have taught them a healthy strategy for dealing with frustration. My go-to time out spot is the garage. While you’re away, take at least ten deep breaths and focus on why you are feeling so angry. Often, it has less to do with your child’s behavior and more with something within you. For example, when my kids don’t listen, it makes me feel unseen and this has always been a trigger for me. You can come back with new knowledge about yourself and maybe a better way to talk to your children about your anger.

Get outside. There’s just something special about getting out into the fresh air. It works wonders on humans of all ages. If you and your children or your spouse are having a rough day, go outside together and do something physical. Toddlers are so easily distracted that a little time having fun with you in the sunshine can really reset the entire day.

Dance it out. My family is all about a dance party. It puts a smile on everyone’s face. We take turns choosing the song and everyone has to dance whether you like the song or not. Spending time with my kids, watching them, without speaking, really puts me back into a place of love and helps the anger and frustration subside. How can you stay angry when you’re watching a two year old dance with abandon?

Try this awesome hair band tip from Kelly at Happy You, Happy Family. I read this last week and it really resonated with me. Reading that it takes five positive interactions to make up for every one negative interaction was heartbreaking. That’s why I think it’s so important to use this visual reminder to speak with kindness and love.

Read these tips from the book, Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham and beautifully summarized by Megan on her blog, The Boho Mama. 

When You Can’t Get Off The Couch

Create Your Top Three Tasks– Every morning, make a list of the top three tasks you need to accomplish that day. When you’re already feeling overwhelmed and unmotivated a twenty-plus item to do list can be incredibly daunting. However, prioritizing just three important tasks a day seems totally doable.

Itemize your to do list- This is my go-to strategy when my to-do list is getting out of control. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the list, I break the list up between the seven days in the week. Once the list is split up, it suddenly seems much more manageable and suddenly I can breathe again.

Start With What’s Easy– When you’re not feeling your best, don’t feel bad about just starting with what’s easy. Sometimes just getting off the couch and getting started is the most challenging part. When you start with one simple task, the others will fall into place.

Start Parenting Yourself– Please watch this TED Talk by Mel Robbins, How To Stop Screwing Yourself Over. It offers some truly life-changing ideas about getting things done and making the most out of your life. The part about parenting yourself really stuck with me. Whether it’s working out, finding a new job or potty training your child, you’re never going to “feel like it”. Use your best mom-voice, kindly tell yourself that it’s time to put on your big girl pants and get moving!

Make a different kind of list– To stay motivated sometimes you need to see what you’ve done. If you’re already feeling like a lazy good for nothing, it’s really easy to give up.  Instead, write a list of all of the positive things you accomplished that day. Be sure to include the basics like,  I took a shower and brushed my teeth. Put everything on there. When you see what you’ve accomplished, you’ll be more likely to stay motivated.

It’s so easy to get into a rut and fall into negative thought patterns, especially during the winter months. This winter has been particularly challenging for me, so I’m right there with you, but it’s almost behind us! Let’s go on a journey of self-discovery this month, just in time for Spring. Let’s forget about the “good mom” stereotypes and figure out what makes us happy, what motivates us, and let’s kick to the curb the things in our lives (fear, shame, negativity, toxic people, etc.) that are getting in the way! We got this!

♥ Erin

Wednesday is a magical day in my house. It is the day that my wonderful in-laws come and take baby N (not a baby, almost 3, but, dammit, my baby) for the day. On Wednesdays I always have a million and a half goals and plans for what I will accomplish in these 5 blissful hours between when they pick her up and when my big kids get off the bus. Of course, things don’t always go as planned.

Today I met my mother-in-law at Target.  I needed some new shirts as most of mine are too small. I’m going to lie to myself and say that it’s because of the new muscles I’ve developed in my arms. (Shut up! It could be true!) She took N to the playground and I walked happily into the store. Two and a half hours later I emerged, bewildered, clutching four large shopping bags and a grande iced vanilla latte. WTF, Target! Yeah, that’s right, I’m taking a lesson from my children, (and our president), and not taking personal responsibility for anything that happened during my visit into that shopping black hole.

Have you seen The Holderness Family’s Video below:

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Anyway, I had a point, and that point is…………..I did not get SHIT done today! My kids will be off the bus in less than an hour and I didn’t:

• Walk the dog.
• Start the three loads of laundry.
• Do my Beachbody On Demand workout (Brazil Butt Lift, if you must know. Nosy.).
• Clean the playroom, childrens’ rooms, bathroom, etc.
• Write anything for my blog other than this post about how I didn’t do anything.

I enjoyed my time in that black hole known as Target immensely, but as soon as I headed home, the guilt starts to set in. I didn’t get anything productive done! This is why I so rarely take these moments to myself. I want to veg in front of the TV or start a good book, but suddenly I remember that I didn’t start that soup that I told my kids they could have for dinner or I forgot to fill out forms and write checks for the after school program that starts next week. There is almost always something to do that I put ahead of making time for me. How can I just sit there and read or take a walk by myself? There is just so much to do! I don’t have the time.

Well, guess what? That is bullshit thinking. That is thinking that will leave you feeling depleted and taken for granted, and the only person you’ll have to blame is yourself. When your husband and kids see that you always drop what you’re doing for them, they start to think of that as the norm. You may feel like by doing this for them you are showing them that you love them, but all that you’re showing them is that you come last. We’ve all heard those sayings, “Put your oxygen mask on first.” or “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s time to take that message seriously.

Follow these steps:

1. Find a hobby that gets you time alone– At my house it’s my gardening. It gets me outside and alone a lot during the spring and summer. I highly recommend it. If you’re not into gardening, try running, blogging, joining a sports team or volunteering.
2. Disappear for at least 10 minutes every day- Meditate, Take a bath, Read, Journal- Do whatever makes you happy for 10 minutes or more and do it alone, away from your spouse and kids. If you are home by yourself, put the kids in front of a movie. You are not allowed to do any chores or productive work during this time!
3. Make plans to do nothing for an hour or more every week– It’s hard to carve out this kind of time as a mom, but it’s important. Talk to your spouse and put it on your calendar. This can be time away from the house or you can have your spouse or sitter take your children somewhere for a few hours and get time in your own house. For me, there is nothing better than being in my own home alone. Oh, beautiful silence, I’ve missed you!
4. Set boundaries– In life your children will need to learn to wait. Start teaching them that lesson now. It’s ok for you to say, “I’m busy right now, but I can help you when I finish my coffee.” or ” I’m talking to a grown-up right now and you need to wait your turn.” When your spouse asks you to run an errand for them, you can say no if  you don’t have the time or don’t think you can get your shit together to even make it out of the house. We’ve all had those days! Let your family know that you are human and you need to be taken care of sometimes too.

You don’t have to be the savior or the superhero of your family. They will still love you if you start taking care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario. It’s that simple, ladies. Now get out there and do more nothing, by any means necessary!

♥ Erin

PS- Dads, if any of you are reading and feel annoyed that I only addressed moms here, I apologize. Most of the dads I know seem to already grasp the importance of doing nothing. In fact, my own husband is always preaching to me how I should do more nothing around here. If you’re one of those guys who never does nothing, you should start too!

Hey you guys, getting older is hard as shit! I’m just going to lay it all out there. Since I turned thirty-six last September, I’ve gained about fifteen pounds. The first seven of those were gained mysteriously. I’d been eating healthy about 80% of the time and not eating junk food or drinking any more than usual. I tried dieting and working out more frequently, but the number on the scale just would not budge! The last eight pounds were not a great mystery. Frustrated by seeing no visible progress on the scale or in how my clothes fit, I just said F*&! it! I wasn’t binge eating, but I let myself have those fries with my sandwich, that extra beer during dinner and ice cream with the kids (none of that frozen yogurt bullshit!).

Now I know that I’ve been lucky the first thirty-five years of my life. I’ve always loved fruits and vegetables and grew up living in a house where they were an important part of our diet. I had a fast metabolism that allowed me to eat and drink whatever I wanted in moderation and still stay fairly slim. During college I picked up the healthy habits we so frequently hear about, but had ignored all through my teen years. What a cruel trick that all the healthy things I’d been doing to keep my body slim for a decade and a half: swap soda for water, get 10,000 steps a day, eat whole grains, etc, suddenly weren’t working anymore. And why the hell does no one prepare you for this? Maybe they did, but I just didn’t want to listen. It seems like letting me know that one Dove promise would have the same effect on my waistline as a pint of ice cream would be a worthwhile topic for my GP to talk to me about, right?

I know we’re expected to be above it all. I realize that I am incredibly lucky to have this healthy body that can exercise and play with my kids. There are plenty of people out there with much bigger weight struggles and more serious health issues. However, I don’t think that means that I can’t verbalize the frustration I’ve been feeling about how much harder I have to work these days to see even a small amount of change. It’s also a struggle to decide if I should just stop making the effort at all. I love food and beer. If being fifteen pounds lighter means I can’t ever eat pasta or drink my favorite IPA then, is it really worth it? Wouldn’t I rather be heavier, but still enjoy my life?

Over the last few months I’ve been squeezing my body into the sausage casings that are my shorts and jeans that I wore comfortably last summer. Finally last night I decided enough is enough. I swallowed my pride and did something I’d been dreading: I shopped for pants to find out my new size. It was a little demoralizing, but I found some things that I feel comfortable in. Now I can stop feeling shame and guilt every time I try on my too-tight shorts. This may not be my body forever, but it is the body I have now. I may not be able to embrace it yet, but I will try to accept it.

My body and I have been through a lot together. In the very early years we lived through sexual abuse. Later, we walked away from that relationship together. We’ve gone through morning sickness and childbirth three times. Sometimes we’ve eaten clean. Countless other times, we’ve binged on Tostitos lime chips and salsa. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a process, and my aging metabolism is just another bump in the road. My body and I have worked through tougher things than this and came out stronger. I may not know where we’re headed now, but I’m going to trust that we’ll work together to get to somewhere comfortable for both of us. I’ll keep you posted.

How has aging changed your relationship with your body? If you have any advice or insights, please leave them in the comments.

🙂 Erin