Wednesday is a magical day in my house. It is the day that my wonderful in-laws come and take baby N (not a baby, almost 3, but, dammit, my baby) for the day. On Wednesdays I always have a million and a half goals and plans for what I will accomplish in these 5 blissful hours between when they pick her up and when my big kids get off the bus. Of course, things don’t always go as planned.
Today I met my mother-in-law at Target. I needed some new shirts as most of mine are too small. I’m going to lie to myself and say that it’s because of the new muscles I’ve developed in my arms. (Shut up! It could be true!) She took N to the playground and I walked happily into the store. Two and a half hours later I emerged, bewildered, clutching four large shopping bags and a grande iced vanilla latte. WTF, Target! Yeah, that’s right, I’m taking a lesson from my children, (and our president), and not taking personal responsibility for anything that happened during my visit into that shopping black hole.
Have you seen The Holderness Family’s Video below:
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Anyway, I had a point, and that point is…………..I did not get SHIT done today! My kids will be off the bus in less than an hour and I didn’t:
- Walk the dog.
- Start the three loads of laundry.
- Do my Beachbody On Demand workout (Brazil Butt Lift, if you must know. Nosy.).
- Clean the playroom, childrens’ rooms, bathroom, etc.
- Write anything for my blog other than this post about how I didn’t do anything.
I enjoyed my time in that black hole known as Target immensely, but as soon as I headed home, the guilt starts to set in. I didn’t get anything productive done! This is why I so rarely take these moments to myself. I want to veg in front of the TV or start a good book, but suddenly I remember that I didn’t start that soup that I told my kids they could have for dinner or I forgot to fill out forms and write checks for the after school program that starts next week. There is almost always something to do that I put ahead of making time for me. How can I just sit there and read or take a walk by myself? There is just so much to do! I don’t have the time.
Well, guess what? That is bullshit thinking. That is thinking that will leave you feeling depleted and taken for granted, and the only person you’ll have to blame is yourself. When your husband and kids see that you always drop what you’re doing for them, they start to think of that as the norm. You may feel like by doing this for them you are showing them that you love them, but all that you’re showing them is that you come last. We’ve all heard those sayings, “Put your oxygen mask on first.” or “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” It’s time to take that message seriously.
Follow these steps:
- Find a hobby that gets you time alone– At my house it’s my gardening. It gets me outside and alone a lot during the spring and summer. I highly recommend it. If you’re not into gardening, try running, blogging, joining a sports team or volunteering.
- Disappear for at least 10 minutes every day- Meditate, Take a bath, Read, Journal- Do whatever makes you happy for 10 minutes or more and do it alone, away from your spouse and kids. If you are home by yourself, put the kids in front of a movie. You are not allowed to do any chores or productive work during this time!
- Make plans to do nothing for an hour or more every week– It’s hard to carve out this kind of time as a mom, but it’s important. Talk to your spouse and put it on your calendar. This can be time away from the house or you can have your spouse or sitter take your children somewhere for a few hours and get time in your own house. For me, there is nothing better than being in my own home alone. Oh, beautiful silence, I’ve missed you!
- Set boundaries– In life your children will need to learn to wait. Start teaching them that lesson now. It’s ok for you to say, “I’m busy right now, but I can help you when I finish my coffee.” or ” I’m talking to a grown-up right now and you need to wait your turn.” When your spouse asks you to run an errand for them, you can say no if you don’t have the time or don’t think you can get your shit together to even make it out of the house. We’ve all had those days! Let your family know that you are human and you need to be taken care of sometimes too.
You don’t have to be the savior or the superhero of your family. They will still love you if you start taking care of yourself. It doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario. It’s that simple, ladies. Now get out there and do more nothing, by any means necessary!
♥ Erin
PS- Dads, if any of you are reading and feel annoyed that I only addressed moms here, I apologize. Most of the dads I know seem to already grasp the importance of doing nothing. In fact, my own husband is always preaching to me how I should do more nothing around here. If you’re one of those guys who never does nothing, you should start too!